To the parents of the screaming kid next door,

You’re kid is a brat. You’re kid is a brat and it is all entirely your fault, and because of which, I and everyone that lives around you is punished for your failings as a parent. Eight year old kids should not be screaming at least every morning. Your kid will grow up without any semblance of self-control or responsibility and thus will continue to make the lives of everyone around him completely miserable.

My wife and I have been living next door to you since November 2007 and since then we have been patiently waiting for either your kid to out grow this syndrome, or for you to actually be a parent. Sadly, neither has happened. Now, we are moving out and I can assure you that your problem child is at the top of the list for the reasons why. I’ve also noticed that the other apartment next to you has gone through at least three or four tenants since we’ve moved in. Considering that, with the way the apartment is built, you share bedroom walls, it seems clear to me why no one but the most hard of hearing would choose to live there.

Specifically to the father:

I almost never see you around. I hope that you are least spending all that time away from home working so you can at least say that you are providing financial support for your family. Even so, that child clearly needs a father and authority figure in his life. I once saw him outside my window torturing some poor tree. I walked out and sternly told him to not do that, as a proper parent should. He looked at me bewildered, as if no one had ever said those words to him in such a manner before. The couple of times I’ve talked to you, you seemed like the kind of easy-going person who liked to be everyone’s friend. Well, the kid needs a father not a friend, and you should be a man and do what it takes to do what is best for those you love and care about.

Specifically to the mother:

You seem to be always on edge. Because your husband never seems to be around, you seem to get stuck with taking care of everything. I cannot imagine the stress you must go through taking care of the kids, on top of bringing even more to the world. My advice to you: ignore what your ignorant church says and get an IUD. After that, tell you husband to get his ass home and start being a dad. Otherwise, I pray that someday you won’t snap and leave a path of destruction leading out the door.

Notes: My wife and I currently have no children, though we are planning on doing so. Secondly, if your child has autism, I take everything back and the best of luck to you both.